I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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