You can't motorboat a personality
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
do herpes really smell.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
