OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
