Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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