K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
