HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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