After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Found the puke drawer
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
