Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
