Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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