Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
