The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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