We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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