Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
