I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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