If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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