That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
