It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
