on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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