I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
