I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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