If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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