Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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