i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
