I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
