I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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