Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
