There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
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