i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
do nipples grow back?
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