At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
