i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
