My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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