Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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