Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
