I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize