i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Mom said you looked used
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
