Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
operation have a gay friend backfired
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
