...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
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The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
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I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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