just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
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She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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