I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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