Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
