Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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