Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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