one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
