and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
