I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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