i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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