i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
