he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
