I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
