Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
