You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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