my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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