shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
