OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
