Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
