I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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