I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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