Tell her she can't have a vagina
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
