Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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