I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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