Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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