he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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