summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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