Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
