the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
