i just google imaged poop.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
