I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
