Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
