i wish my penis had a tongue
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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