then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
