Jerry, you need to find god
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
