Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
