I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
