Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
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