We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
